


Oversharing Blogger Liveblogs Dildo Debacle with Boyfriend in Hospital

by ferix79



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Dildos, Hospitals, Kink Meme, Multi, OT4, Pre-Canon, Sex Toys, Sexual Humor, gladio gets a dildo stuck up his ass that all i got my guy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-19
Updated: 2017-03-19
Packaged: 2018-10-07 19:30:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10367769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ferix79/pseuds/ferix79
Summary: Gladio accidentally gets a dildo stuck inside him and his boyfriends arenothelping.





	

**Author's Note:**

> kind of a crack fill for the kink meme, based on the unfortunately true events of the twitter user @Grawly.  
> https://storify.com/23music/grawly-goes-to-the-hospital  
> Prompt-  
> http://ffxv-kinkmeme.dreamwidth.org/3016.html?thread=1932744#cmt1932744

Ignis and Noctis were lounging around Noctis’ apartment one night, enjoying a rare evening that was _not_ full of meetings or reading reports or prince trainings or homework. Gladio and Prompto had decided they wanted some-ahem- _time_ to themselves in Gladio’s crownsguard quarters at the Citadel, so Ignis and Noctis were more than happy to simply relax and enjoy each other’s presence. 

Until Noctis’ phone went off. 

_yo buddy. Guess who has to go to the hospital because he shoved a dildo up his ass and can’t get it out (answer: its Gladio)_

“Oh my god,” Noctis said, bolting up from his reclined position on the couch. “Ignis, we have to go to the hospital, oh my god.”

Ignis set down the book he’d been reading with a start, adrenaline pumping through his system. Noctis would only get so riled up about three people in his life: his father, Gladio, or Prompto. Any of them in the hospital meant something very serious had happened. 

Noctis was already pulling on his shoes when Ignis stood, walking over and placing a hand on Noctis’ shoulder. “Noct, slow down. What’s happened? Is it something with your father?” 

“No,” Noctis said, looking Ignis right in the eye, “It’s Gladio. Apparently he and Prompto managed to get a dildo stuck up his ass and they have to go to the hospital to have it removed.”

Ignis didn’t respond, letting his hand fall limp to his side. He simply stared forward into the empty space near Noctis’ front door while the prince descended into tears. Tears of laughter. 

A few minutes later found Ignis starting the car in the apartment complex’s garage, and Noctis phone went off again. 

_Just imagine a faint buzzing sound while you read these texts. That’s us rn_

“Oh my _god_ , Ignis, it’s vibrating! It’s a vibrating dildo!” Ignis had not heard his partner laugh so hard in all of his life. He sorely wished they could elicit such happiness from Noct without the extreme circumstances. 

“Well, thank Eos Gladio has a car and not the motorcycle he wanted,” Ignis said, finally cracking a smile at the shield’s unfortunate predicament, “Wait a moment.” His tone changed suddenly, and Noctis looked away from his illuminated phone screen, “If Prompto’s texting you and Gladio has a dildo stuck inside of him, who’s driving the car?” 

The stared at each other for a moment, wide eyed, and then Noctis went back to furiously texting, trying to conceal his giggles. 

_How long does this battery last jesus the thing is still going_

_Gladio’s driving btw. He was too stubborn to let me_

Ignis sighed as they pulled out of the garage, “Well, at least he’s kept his wits about him. Prompto’s a terrible driver.” 

\----

They arrived at the hospital just in time to tag along with Gladio and Prompto to the room Gladio would be staying in. For all the excitement of the night, Gladio was surprisingly calm. 

“At least the nurse was sweet,” Prompto said as they all sat around Gladio’s bed. The faint buzzing could still be heard, even under the stiff hospital sheets. 

“Not. Helping.” 

“Don’t be so harsh, Gladio. You _were_ the one who consented to it.” The shield threw his arm over his eyes, groaning into the otherwise quiet room. 

Noctis decided it was the perfect time for some of his princely wisdom. “Life Lesson: When using a vibrating dildo, attach a string to the end.”

Gladio rose out of his bed, intent on reaching over to slap the smartass prince upside the head. “Noct, I swear to god—urk!”But his sudden shifting caused the dildo to rub up against a sensitive spot inside him. Gladio froze suddenly, and Noctis and Prompto plunged into a fit of giggles on either side of the bed. 

“Are you alright?” Ignis asked, showing the first shred of genuine sympathy that evening, helping his partner ease back down to the sheets. 

“Yeah,” Gladio begrudgingly admitted, “It’s just…you know how it is.” 

Ignis sat back in his chair with a chuckle, “I certainly do.”

\----

Two hours later the doctors finally, blessedly had an answer. Gladio was wheeled out of the room and received a CD full of high quality x-rays for his troubles while the surgeon on duty was preparing to sedate him for the extraction. After said extraction, he’d be admitted to the hospital for the night and likely released in the morning. 

The boys still had a few more minutes to visit with him before the minor sugery.

“Yes, dad, I…” Gladio sighed, “I-I know…Okay. I’ll see you in the morning.” He handed the phone back to Ignis and pressed his palms into his face. 

“Well, all’s well that ends well, right?” Ignis tried, rubbing his hand slowly up and down Gladio’s back. 

“You guys owe me _so_ much after this,” Gladio growled, staring down the three of them, though there wasn’t much bite behind it. “You’re all going to fucking _worship_ me on hand and foot. I swear…”

Ignis assured him they certainly would and pressed a kiss to his temple. Noctis and Prompto, finally over how funny the situation was, did the same just before the nurse came in to sedate their brave, brave shield. 

Little did they know, Prompto spent the rest of his night live blogging the incident to the entire internet. 

_Brief update: dildo extracted. Battery lasted about 7 fucking hours. bf is tired as hecke_

**Author's Note:**

> this is definitely the peak of my writing career
> 
> [my tumblr](http://ferix-writes.tumblr.com/)


End file.
